How could I improve this?? Is this okay writing?? Would you read on?

Here’s a link to the first part of the first chapter:http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AuSINR4XK2DUJj_q44kMqlXsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20090517054808AAK29G1
This is the start of the second chapter. Its set in a fictional fantasy version of japan/england/america all mixed together, hence the names.

Two years had passed since Reiko had died, but I still had trouble believing it she was gone. I half expected the phone to ring and hear her voice on the other end, or for her to walk into the classroom and sit at the desk next to me, telling me it was all just a big joke and she was fine really.
At school, we’d left her locker virtually untouched. All her textbooks and notepads and little bag of makeup still sat in the bottom, while a couple of photos of us were taped all over the military-grey metal door. Her pencil case with the dolphins and doodles on it was still missing its eraser, and the six key on her calculator was still lying under the maths books.
Once a year, on the sixth of October, we lit a candle inside the locker and remembered her. It was our little shrine to her memory, and I loved it.
Her killer had never been found. She had no enemies at school, and no one had any reason to want her dead. The police concluded it was a random killing, packed up all the fancy equipment and sniffer dogs and left, case closed.
The doorbell rang, cutting like a knife through my thought train. I ran down stairs, dressing gown catching on each stair. A face glowed warmly through the yellow-and-green stained glass windows in the porch light. I grasped the bent copper lock key, twisted it and pulled open the door. Yumi stood outside, rubbing her arms in the cold.
‘Hey, come in,’ I said, a grin leaking across my face. My parents were out of town, and I was hosting a sleepover, it was going to be the best one we’d had in years. How many sixteen year olds wouldn’t?
‘Hey, yourself! Its freakin’ freezing out there and my jacket’s in the wash.’ She complained. She pushed a corn-coloured wave out of her eyes. A silver bar glinted in her pale eyebrows like a weird beetle.
‘You got your eyebrow done? I thought you had to be eighteen to get that pierced!’ I yelped in excitement. She’d been whining about how evil her parents were being and the unfair age limits at the tattoo and piercing parlour downtown.
‘Yeah, found a little place that just opened up, half the price, no age limits,’ she said. ‘Got it done last night. Hurt like hell though,” That didn’t matter, of course. Yumi was totally into piercings. She already planned to get her tongue pieced before she’s eighteen.
She tucked her long locks behind her ear, revealing the four rings and studs she had set in it. Besides the piercings, addiction to leather and the smoking, she looked a bit like a Malibu Barbie; tall, tanned, blonde, always perfect eye makeup whatever the weather. She grabbed one of the massive bags and began lugging it up the stairs, wobbling on her five-inch spike heels.
“Lob it in my room!” I yelled, following her. My door was shut when she reached it. I picked up my pace to open it for her, but she stood on one foot and manoeuvred the handle and kicked. The door flew open and she stalked inside. Cool.
A buzzing, blaring noise emanated from one of the hulking sacks. Yumi dived on the nearest one, tearing out clothes and throwing them at the wall behind her.
“Nat, gimme a hand here?” she said. I walked over, dodging flying underwear and unzipped the bag. Vinyl and silk practically leaked out. I rummaged around, trying not to imagine what else she had in there. My fingers closed around a smooth rectangle. I yanked it out and pressed the receiver button.
“Hello, this is Yumi’s finest brothel, how may I help?” I giggled into the phone. Yumi glared daggers in my direction and snatched the phone off me.
“’Kay, sorry about that. Natsumi was being an idiot,” she said.

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my little dog won’t drink from any of the bowls of water put out for them for the past 6 months?

same question from mama of 2 a year ago but answers not suitable for a 10yr old dog, could it be a mineral deficiency, he will only lap dirty water off the floor (pavers). He seems to be able to see OK so it isn’t that he has had a semi drowning experience, he is part Chihuahua though.

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How are you cooling off your kids in this weird..crazy, outrageous weather?

Here in Long Island NY, It is about 85-90 degrees. The boys are outside in their new banzai waterslide, we got from my MIL from wal-mart:http://www.walmart.com/catalog/product.do?product_id=10727427
I was shocked at how much she spent though!! I’d go join them, but being 22wks pregnant, I might bust it!!

Our dog is enjoying it,too! I’m surprised it hasn’t created a stream of kids–

So, how are you cooling off your kids?
Aislings mom,

I know!! I could of took the two of them to the waterpark for 25$..
but, i have to say, they’re enjoying it =)

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Dog clothing?

How many of you are sick of all the paris hilton wanna bees? With their designer breeds dressed up in outfits? Whatever happened to normal dogs, not to mention normal people. I feel bad for dogs who are forced to wear clothing. I have an ancient chihuahua mix that I only made wear a sweater was becasue we went to Oregon in the middle of winter.

I feel so bad for all the dogs in pounds. My dogs have all been adopted from shelters or were extremely ill strays that the SPCA wouldn’t even let into thier facility.
These poor dogs aren’t even given a chance. We can all thank those celebs who have to have "HOT" dogs

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I was going to ask this yesterday but… (pet store)?

ok so i went into the pet store at the mall just too look cause my mom was in a differ store and i went in and gues what kind breed I saw… a ZUCHON i was thinking *oh my word wait till i tell Y!A dogs about THIS) it was half bichon half shih tzu (they spelled shih tzu wrong…sh** zu i wanted to ask the person there wher they get the puppies from but i didnt…o and i cant forget about the chihuahua they had!!! its had on a BEADED necklace/collar and a OUTFIT… i was like O MY and then… their was even MORE "designer breeds" and a yorkie/shih tzu mix (i think) was winpering and pawing like he wanted to get out and i was so sad i left the store….

my Question…how do you react when you see dogs in petsrores?? and do you ask the person where they got the puppies from?
Rockin’ i was about to cry…but i was in the MALL so i didnt…

and yes i would do the same Randee i would love to adopt shelter dogs then sell them for a little more then i got them for and then give %50 of proceeds to the shelter!!!
Im a thumbs up fairy for good answers!!!
This pet store sold…Puppies/Kittens/Rodents/Birds/Reptiles/Beds/Clothes/Pet Clothes…
and NO PET FOOD they didnt sell ANY!!! and i’ve heard puppies wimpering in the back room =[

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Would you like more?

These are not jokes, but last time I posted, everyone seemed to like them so here are more……..

1
Look at your zipper. See the initials YKK? It stands for Yoshida Kogyo Kabushibibaisha, the world’s largest zipper manufacturer.
2
40 percent of McDonald’s profits come from the sales of Happy Meals.
3
315 entries in Webster’s 1996 Dictionary were misspelled.
4
On the average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents daily.
5
Chocolate kills dogs! True, chocolate affects a dog’s heart and nervous system. A few ounces is enough to kill a small sized dog.
6
Ketchup was sold in the 1830′s as a medicine.
7
Leonardo da Vinci could write with one hand and draw with the other at the same time.
8
Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood.
9
There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos.
10
Leonardo da Vinci invented scissors. Also, it took him 10 years to paint Mona Lisa’s lips.
11
Bruce Lee was so fast that they actually had to slow a film down so you could see his moves. That’s the opposite of the norm.
12
The original name for the butterfly was "flutterby"!
13
By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you can’t sink in quicksand.
14
Mosquito repellents don’t repel. They hide you. The spray blocks the mosquito’s sensors so they don’t know you’re there.
15
Dentists recommend that a toothbrush be kept at least six feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush.
16
The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley’s gum.
17
Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than the entire Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.
18
Marilyn Monroe had six toes on one foot.
19
Adolf Hitler’s mother seriously considered having an abortion but was talked out of it by her doctor.
20
The three most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca-Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.
21
To escape the grip of a crocodile’s jaws, prick your fingers into its eyeballs. It will let you go instantly.
22
The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.
23
The "pound" (#) key on your keyboard is called an octothorp.
24
The only domestic animal not mentioned in the Bible is the cat.
25
Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
26
The average person’s left hand does 56% of the typing.
27
Dreamt" is the only word in the English language that ends in "mt".
28
It’s impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
29
In Chinese, the KFC slogan "finger lickin’ good" comes out as "eat your fingers off".
30
A cockroach can live for 10 days without a head.
31
We shed 40 pounds of skin a lifetime.
32
Yo-Yos were once used as weapons in the Philippines.
33
Mexico City sinks abut 10 inches a year.
34
Brains are more active sleeping than watching TV.
35
Blue is the favorite color of 80 percent of Americans.
36
When a person shakes their head from side to side, he is saying "yes" in Sri Lanka.
37
There are more chickens than people in the world.
38
The thumbnail grows the slowest, and the middle nail grows the fastest.
39
There are more telephones than people in Washington, D.C.
40
The average four year-old child asks over four hundred questions a day.
41
The average person presses the snooze button on their alarm clock three Times each morning.
42
The three wealthiest families in the world have more assets than the Combined wealth of the forty-eight poorest nations.
43
The first owner of the Marlboro cigarette Company died of lung cancer.
44
Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
45
The world’s youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910.
46
Our eyes remain the same size from birth onward, but our noses and ears Never stop growing.
47
You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching TV.
48
A person will die from total lack of sleep sooner than from starvation. Death will occur about 10 days without sleep, while starvation takes a Few weeks.
49
Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying.
50
The Mona Lisa has no eyebrows.
51
When the moon is directly overhead, you weigh slightly less.
52
Alexander Graham Bell, the inventor of the telephone, never telephoned His wife or mother because they were both deaf.
53
A psychology student in New York rented out her spare room to a Carpenter in order to nag him constantly and study his reactions. After Weeks of needling, he snapped and beat her repeatedly with an axe Leaving her mentally retarded
54
"I am." is the shortest complete sentence in the English language
55
Colgate faced a big obstacle marketing toothpaste in Spanish speaking Countries because Colgate translates into the command "go hang Yourself."
56
Like fingerprints, everyone’s tongue print is different.
57
"Bookkeeper" is the only word in English language with three consecutive Double letters.
58
Right handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left handed People do.
59
The sentence "the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every Letter in the English language.
60
If the population of China walked past you in single line, the line Would never end because of the rate of reproduction
61
China has more English speakers than the United States.
62
Every human spent about half an hour as a single cell.
63
Each square inch of human skin consists of twenty feet of blood vessels.
64
An average person uses the bathroom 6 times per day.
65
Babies are born with 300 bones, but by adulthood we have only 206 in our Bodies.
66
Beards are the fastest growing hairs on the human body. If the average Man never trimmed his beard, it would grow to nearly 30 feet long in his Lifetime.
67
According to Genesis 1:20-22, the chicken came before the egg.
68
The longest place name still in use is: Taumatawhakatangihangaoauauotameteaturi- Pukakpikimaungahoronukupokaiwhenuakitanatahu – a New Zealand hill.
69
If you leave Tokyo by plane at 7:00am, you will arrive in Honolulu at Approximately 4:30pm the previous day.
70
Scientists in Australia’s Parkes Observatory thought they had positive Proof of alien life, when they began picking up radio-waves from space. However, after investigation, the radio emissions were traced to a Microwave in the building.
71
Wearing headphones for an hour increases the bacteria in your ear 700 times.
72
More than 40,000 parasites and 250 types of bacteria are exchanged during a French kiss.
73
Men can read smaller print than women, but women can hear better.
74
Coca-Cola was originally green.
75
The most common name in the world is Mohammed.
76
The name of all the continents ends with the same letter that they start with.
77
There are two credit cards for every person in the United States.
78
TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.
79
Women blink nearly twice as much as men!!
80
You can’t kill yourself by holding your breath.
81
It is impossible to lick your elbow.
82
People say "Bless you" when you sneeze because when you sneeze, your heart stops for a millisecond.
83
It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.
84
The "sixth sick sheik’s sixth sheep’s sick" is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language.
85
If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die.
86
Each king in a deck of playing cards represents great king from history. Spades – King David, Clubs – Alexander the Great, Hearts – Charlemagne, Diamonds – Julius Caesar.
87
111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
88
If a statue of a person in the park on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle.
89
If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle.
90
If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.
91
Question – This is the only food that doesn’t spoil. What is this? Ans. – Honey
92
A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.
93
A snail can sleep for three years.
94
All polar bears are left handed.
95
American Airlines saved ,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first-class.
96
Butterflies taste with their feet.
97
Elephants are the only animals that can’t jump.
98
In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.
99
On average, people fear spiders more than they do death.
100
Jake has a tremendous crush on a lady on here
Some people say #76 is wrong!
Africa(a-a) correct… Antarctica(a-a) correct, Asia (a-a) correct, Australia(a-a) correct, Europe (e-e) correct, North America(a-a) correct, and South America.(a-a) correct…look at the wording on #76 again. thanks

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Please help! 2 stubborn dogs!?

I have a 11 month old and a 7 yr old American Staffordshire’s both adopted from a shelter. Both of them disregard commands (sit, down, stay etc) when they dont feel like listening i know this bcus when they do decide to listen they know exactly what to do. Also they refused to be potty trained, My wood floors now have brown spots where they have peed and pooped. Does anyone know maybe a good training book or perhaps a good trainer in the New york-Connecticut area? I don’t want to resort to an electric collar so this is my last resort b4 i get a collar. Someone please help!
I appreciate everyones responses. I dont need a regular trainer or regular book i need someone like the dog whisperer or something. :-) My dogs know what sit stay and other commands are and 65% of the time they listen but some times they simply do not want to. I have read books and trained dogs in the past but for some reason these two simply chose to listen when they want. If someone know how to re-train a stubborn dog please give me some info.

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is metal dog collars considered as a Choke collars ? what is a choke collar used for?

how can i place it around my dogs neck if both of its ends are the same ( closed circle) ?

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Religiously speaking, how do you like my 100 rules for life?

1. Do not introduce self as role-playing character in public.

2. Do not talk to fictional characters in public.

3. Do not answer fictional characters in public.

4. Do not talk to inanimate objects in public.

5. Do not go out in public.

6. Disregard above note. Perform numbers 1 to 4.

7. Note expressions.

8. Don’t die alone. Take many people with you.

9. Floor is slippery when wet.

10. Lake is slippery when dry.

11. Only talk to strangers you know.

12. Strangers you don’t know are spies… Kill them all.

13. For legal purposes be sure to delete above note.

14. Tell people about the spies that are trying to kill you.

15. Kill them for security purposes.

16. Crying does not solve anything. Try violent mood swings.

17. Make a scene whenever humanly possible.

18. The men in white coats are not your friends.

19. Ask them for a room with lots of sharp, pointy objects.

20. When that doesn’t work, ask for a designer jacket.

21. Chicken soup, although good for colds, is not the best cure for drowning.

22. Flammable and inflammable mean the same thing.

23. Unlike fine wine, milk does not get better with age.

24. Always remember, um… um… Damn.

25.Train army of flying monkeys.

26.Goldfish don’t like milk.

27.Do not maim people. If you already have, kill them to avoid lawsuits.

28.Find out who invented the word "pianist".

29.People are staring at you.

30.So act insane.

31.People are weird, but not as weird as me.

32.Do not taunt animals at zoo. They have feelings… And teeth.

33.Little people are aggressive. Stay away from little people.

34.Going through other people’s stuff is a bonding experience. Do this as much as possible.

35.You’ll sometimes notice shadows late at night. Don’t worry. It’s only me… Bonding.

36.Never pet a burning dog.

37.Never make eye contact with a naked man. Especially if you are wearing a parka.

38.Naked men dig parkas.

39.Beware the naked man who offers you his parka.

40.You know what would look good on you?

41.Immolated cockroaches.

42.Don’t worry. It’s only a harmless pimento bug.

43.The size of Danny DeVito.

44.Making an amusing facial expression. Like this.

45.Numbers are evil. Count in clovers.

46.Stalking is fun. Do it more.

47.Make a large sign saying, "Look at me, I’m a gum nut tree!"

48.No matter what anyone says, there is a way to get to your fantasy world.

49.That way is rum.

50.Constipated people don’t give a sh-t.

52.You cannot kill the snow.

53.The snow can kill you.

54.Grass can also kill you.

55.The leprechaun on the cereal box said I can’t get his lucky charms…

56.Catch and castrate leprechaun.

57.HE is real… No matter what the men in white coats say.

58.Staple paper in the middle of the page.

59.In case of blank looks, laugh maniacally.

60.You are not haxxor l337 or an uberhacker or anything like that.

61.Pretend to be so around teh n00bs.

62.Do not go out with voice #7. He is a sadistic, soul sucking demon.

63.Disregard last note. Go out with demon. Who needs a soul anyway?

64.Ask Senior Diablo for a bigger pitchfork.

65.Remember to kill HIM…

66.Tell the small children in Toys ‘R’ Us that the dolls have an insatiable thirst for blood.

67.Note reactions. Avoid parents.

68.The blood of infants gives unholy superpowers according to Jhonen C. Vasquez. Test theory.

69.Scream, the doctors don’t like it, they’ll give you a shot of something nice.

70.Hide the bodies, otherwise people ask embarrassing questions.

71.Eat the evidence.

72.But not if it’s broken glass.

73.When in the presence of someone much wiser than you, point in a random direction and yell, "Look, a distraction!" Then run.

74.Do not tell children that Santa is fat because he eats kids.

75.Disregard last note.

76.Note reactions.

77.On average, 100 people choke to death on ball point pens every year.

78.Stock up on ball point pens.

79.Learn to fly. Tell no one.

80.The secret to flying is throwing yourself at the ground and missing.

81.Do not stick fingers into blender.

82.Blender… Bad… Ouch.

83.Blood loss is bad.

84.Find way to re-attach fingers.

85.Scream as much as humanly possible at 2AM.

86.Answer every question with a question.

87.Ask people what gender they are.

88.Note reactions.

89.Refer to people as "mortal".

90.The Seagull From Hell is out to get me.

91.Kill all enemies in most disturbing way possible.

92.Start by drowning them in fire ants.

93.Find the creators of pop-up messages.

94.Kill them.

95.Brutally.

96.Teachers don’t like finding notes on world domination.

97.Dunk head in boiling water.

98.Disregard last note. Was written by Voice #7.

99.Gullible IS written on the ceiling!

100.Investigate this whole "critical mass" thing when the klaxon dies down…

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be honest i wear glasses but everyone says im goodlooking with a good body?

and wear designer clothes, BUT i cant get used to contacts because im squeamish and hate my glasses and it gets me down and i think that people think im a dog because of them or lazy even because i dont have contacts what do other people think tell the truth please is it a turn off. cos i always think you cant see someones face properley when they wear them but my husband says im stupid and course you can.

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